More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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