i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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