I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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