RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
