I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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