You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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