Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Green mimosas i think yes
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
