I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
