I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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