this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
