I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
