He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
