the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
