I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
