how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
