That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize