she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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