Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
