You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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