Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
