He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
