You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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