Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you had me at cake vodka
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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