Yo dont text me then not text me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize