they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
