I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
