I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
