Screwed.edu
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
