her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
