yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
