i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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