Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
