Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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