oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
