A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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