Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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