sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
