do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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