He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We left an ass print on the piano.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
