You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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