Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
