Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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