'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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