dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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