FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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