Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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