I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The uberlube is also flammable
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
