nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
