and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
