We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
