You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
