you guys were way drunker than both of me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
