I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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