I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This is my gift to your gina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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