I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
