Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
