It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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