I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
