Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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