I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
