I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize