My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
