No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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