A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
