Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
