apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
