He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
