Say something about gay babies.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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