I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex on a roof
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
