I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Enjoy the penises
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
