Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize