he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
