The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
