dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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