I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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