You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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