even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
