I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
