A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
