The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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