He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
