in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
