That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We have started to decorate penises.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
