Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize