just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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