? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize