dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
