Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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