Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
