Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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