if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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