dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize