You really coming over, don't trick.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
