I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
