You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
