Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
