don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
