I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
